the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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