using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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