Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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