Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
