10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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