Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
