He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
