and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
