In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
