dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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