if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
