Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
