thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
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I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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