i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
