well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
