While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
