i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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