Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize