need another drink. this is the easiest way
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
from now on my penis is your penis
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
