Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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