Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
