Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
