you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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