i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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