sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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