Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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