are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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