Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
