Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
