my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
