i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
