Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
