Kiss
Puke
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Someone shattered a urinal.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
