I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
