giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
