i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize