We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
