Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
