I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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