i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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