What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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