Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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