I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
