Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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