One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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