thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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