i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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