I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
