Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
