seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize