Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
