I smell stomach acid.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize