i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
