from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
