what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i will never coherently bang her
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize