He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
