I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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