one might say we're banned from that church
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
