I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I met the friendliest cop last night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
