the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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