we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
