It's like a parade of train wrecks.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
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Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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