That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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