CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
