I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.