Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.