Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.