omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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