The maid of honor just puked.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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